


Hurricane

by ohstardust



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dean & Y/N are idiots who are terrible at communication, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Smut, reader is Benny's sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:53:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstardust/pseuds/ohstardust
Summary: He was everything she despised. He was a womaniser, misogynistic and a soul destroying flirt. He was also her brother’s best friend. She knew the first time they slept together was a mistake. But what about the other times?
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	Hurricane

**Author's Note:**

> My entry to @tvdspngirl314′s birthday writing event on Tumblr.
> 
> My prompt was **“I let her in, I never let people in.”** which can be found in bold in the story.
> 
> Considering this was supposed to be a little 3k fic (at most) for Ally’s writing event, suddenly it became far more than I expected!
> 
>  **To note;** this whole thing is set in Lawrence, Kansas to make the whole thing easier for me to write and, as always, the tenses area little bit all over the place, I can never seem to make it flow otherwise. Time to take liberties!
> 
> Also, a piece of dialogue was taken from [this post](https://promptlywritingideas.tumblr.com/post/159040740318/angst-prompts).

Meeting Dean Winchester had initially felt like the most refreshing twist of fate, life dangling this gorgeous creature in front of her with his piercing green eyes and the most magnificent and alluring smile she’d quite possibly ever seen. In muted video footage he would have been the most eligible bachelor this side of Kansas, would lure any woman (or man for that matter) in and have you putty in his hands before you’d even grasped what had happened. But in reality, seated opposite him in a bar of rowdy guys, and two of her girlfriends, the moment he opened his mouth to speak to her, she wanted to punch him in the throat so he couldn’t talk to her again. **  
**

He may have had the perfect face for those lonesome nights in her bedroom, but his flagrant disregard for his best friend’s sister showed her just how much of a prick he really was, and she really wasn’t one to suffer fools gladly. She’d wind him up, push his buttons and keep going until he too realised just what an appalling human he really was. 

Maybe appalling was too harsh a word, but either way, she’d make a conscious effort to become utterly disinterested every time he opened his mouth in future.

The feud starting conversation had gone something like this, over a few beers and talk of the complexity of someone’s relationship. She ought to have known it would have been a disaster from the get-go.

  


_“She just let off on me, thought she was gonna damn near rip my head off,” Frankie had laughed, like upsetting his girlfriend was a jovial matter and not something to take seriously or civilly ponder._

_“Kinda got a point though, you do spend a lot of time checking out that coworkers ass,” Jerry grinned and laughter poured out around the table. ‘At least Jerry get’s it’ she mused._

_“Okay, girls, what’s your opinion on this? You tell me if she’s justified or if you think she’s blown it all out of proportion then?” The table lifted their gaze to her and her friends, curiously wanting input into the situation that was boring her to the back teeth._

_She mulled the conversation over in her head for a moment or two, wanting an answer that made her point without turning her brother’s birthday get tighter into a slanging match. But the second her lips moved to open her mouth, Dean opened his mouth to cut her off._

_“Of course she’s blowing it all out of proportion, she’s a chick, ain’t that what they all do?”_

_Benny grinned cautiously and banged his hand on the table, “Just ‘cause you can’t keep one woman for more than a few hours, Deano.”_

_“Can’t bear to be bored.” The smirk on Dean’s face had her fist curling, he flashed his eyes up to gauge her reaction and shook his head, the smirk turning into his beer bottle as he pulled on a mouthful with a small head shake._

_The curling of her blood and simmering heat that was rapidly boiling was not in arousal, it was born from instant dislike, his flippant attitude towards the female sex, like they were just there to look pretty and give him temporary bliss for an evening. She vowed to never be one of those women no matter how much he looked like he could take her apart in the best way she could imagine. He’s a wanker and she was better than that._

_“That’s all we all are, aren’t we? A little bit of light relief to help you destress after a long - although probably idle - day of pretending to be important? Just something for you to stick your dick into and use until you feel she’s outstayed her welcome and you fancy sleeping alone again, because that’s what you’ll always be you know? Sad, alone and pathetic. The funny thing is, Winchester, you don’t realise that you’re the play thing, these woman are capable of relationships, they’re probably just after a bit fo fun or a rebound when they’re with you, but you, you’re incapable of such a thing, all you’re good for is a quick fuck and a see you never on the way out. Although, quite frankly, I bet you’re pretty sub par at that too.” She took a sip of her drink and lounged back in her chair, arms folded across her check, one leg draped over the other, and a sweet smile at the man she’d publicly humiliated._

_The look on Dean’s face was a combination of amused, impressed and a dash of_ I can’t believe you just did that to me _, it was equally as frustrating as it was triumphant._

_“You’ve just got me all sussed, haven’t you, sweetheart?”_

_“I know a tonne of guys like you, and you’re all like little carbon copies of each other.”_

_“Hey, look Y/N, I’m sorry I got your panties in a twist, I can’t help that you’re a little sensitive.”_

_“Why am I sensing a sickening joke to follow about my panties?”_

_“You really do have me sussed,” Dean chewed on the inside of his lip for a beat and nodded along to the song playing overhead, “how about we call a truce and you come dance with me?”_

_Y/n was about to retort with something highly unladylike until she caught the smile on her brother’s face, one that seemed like he was happy the pair were going to put that little spat aside, she was stuck, she couldn’t disappoint Benny any day of the week, especially not on his birthday._

_She sighed and weakly nodded with a sarcastic smile, “Fine Dean, truce.” The man opposite her stuck his hand out for her to shake, but instead she pushed back her chair and stood up, taking off for the dance floor area without a second glance._

_He quickly caught up to her, one hand curling around her wrist to spin her around to face him, his ever present smirk still sat on his lips, and although she wanted to punch him in the face, watch his nose bleed so she could feel victorious, she was blindsided by the urge to pull him closer and lace her tongue with his until they were breathing the same air._ Y/N Lafitte, N O.

_“No truce then?”_

_“Look, all I want is my brother to be happy, and apparently, for some unknown reason to me, you’re his best friend so we need to be civil for his sake.”_

_“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill here, y’know that, right?”_

_“I think I’m pretty justified in my defence of women, it’s guys like you that make women feel worthless.”_

_“I’ve never once made a woman feel worthless, they usually feel pretty good with themselves after they’ve been with me.” Smug bastard._

_“After they’ve - I’m not even going there. We’re sensitive, Dean, because we’re tired of being treated like shit by men who don’t value us, but hey, we’re just here for your enjoyment aren’t we?” She could feel her anger bubbling again but she was tired, tired of arguing and being defensive, and preaching to someone who really doesn’t give two shits. Y/N gave his foot a good stamping on as a parting gift and giggled, “oops, silly me, did I step on your toes? How clumsy of me.” Her jaw hardened before she took her leave, “Goodnight Dean, try not to break any hearts before you head home.”_

Maybe she did make a bigger deal about it all than what was necessary, and perhaps Dean fell in the firing line after she’d heard one too many shitty comments from ex-boyfriends, one night stands, tales from her friends, but now she had a constant person that she could fire all that pent up aggression towards, and well, she hadn’t made him make those comments in the first place, had she?

The beat of the drums was pumping loudly, the dance floor of the bar was packed to the rafters, and Y/N was amidst the crowd with a group of her friends in the late evening, one Friday. The need for a night away from everyday life had overwhelmed her, her workload had increased, she was getting used to living with her brother again, and being the only single one out of her friends was taking its toll. Just recently she’d been hit with the full force of loneliness, the realisation that she was nearing thirty with no relationship, no promise of happiness or love or god forbid a family, it was a lot to take in with the pressures of her still young age feeling like a burden. Truth be told, she was still apprehensive about starting to date again, but she’d have to put that aside and move on if there was to be any hope for her. She needed a night to forget about that, to just allow herself to have fun and enjoy what she had around her, “Honestly, if the guys in this place are anything to go by, we’re gonna have to jump ship and find somewhere else because, Jesus Christ, I need to get _laid_.”

Anna smirked into her drink and nudged Y/N with her elbow with a laugh, “It’s all that pent up sexual frustration from meeting Dean.”

As soon as the words had left her friend’s mouth, the onslaught of questions fired up and Y/N could just kill Anna for bringing Dean in the conversation, so what if she’d thought about him once or twice in the past few weeks, whilst she was alone? It was no one’s business and she refused to admit it to anyone. 

“Dean?”

“Who’s Dean?”

“Christ, _I’m_ sexually frustrated from meeting him and I don’t even bat for his team.”

“There’s a Dean?”

Y/N glared at Anna for bringing him up and gave the same pointed look to Denise who too had been at Benny’s birthday, both clearly conspiring against her and taking great pleasure in the feud between them and the way they’d provoked each other that night. She gulped back a large sip of her drink and groaned, “You just had to mention him, didn’t you?”

Anna grinned meekly and shrugged, “You’re welcome?”

“Nu’uh, no getting out of this one missy,” Tara challenged with her eyebrows pinched and her lips pouted, Y/N knew better than to ignore her friends questions.

“He’s no one, and he definitely has nothing to do with me needing to get laid.”

“Try telling your lower half that.”

“I hate you, Denise. You and Anna are both going to hell.”

“Apparently lesbians go to hell anyway, so I’m already on my way, makes no odds to me. The jury’s still out on Anna.”

“Now you’re just teasing, tell us about him!” The other girls were too busy wanting to find out absolutely everything they could about the ‘mystery’ man to even respond to the jokes, it had been a long time since a guy had been mentioned in conjunction with Y/N, and immediately she was the center of the conversation.

“He’s just my brother’s friend, we had this… disagreement the other week and that’s the last I’ve seen of him.”

“But you want in his pants?”

“I think at least half of the world’s population wants in his pants.”

Y/N rolled her eyes at Anna, “He might be alright to look at but he’s a total dick, so both of our pants are staying on when we’re around each other, thank you.”

“That really is too bad, I’ll test him out for you.”

“Be my guest.”

Y/N was thankful when the conversation started to peter off and they found their way into something new, relief washed over her once he wasn’t the subject of conversation. Because, in all honesty, she’d actually thought about him a little more than just on the odd occasion. It didn’t help that he’d been over to the house a handful of times since their first meeting, seeing him lounging about on her sofa, pouring himself a drink in her kitchen, he looked so comfortable and gorgeous and she hated every part of herself for finding him a temptation. But tempting he was.

She danced around with her friends, the drinks she’d consumed made her body loose and she lost herself in the music, she allowed herself to feel free and weightless for the first time in a while. The moment she felt a hand curl around her waist and a voice perilously close to her ear, she felt her body stiffen.

“Hey darling, fancy a dance?”

She twisted a little to edge away from the stranger, hoped he’d get the hint that she wasn’t interested and really wanted to be left alone, “I’m good thank you, I just want to dance with my friends.”

“C’mon, you can spare one dance for me, can’t you?” Anna started to inch herself forward from the other side of the group, ready to pounce if the unwanted attention didn’t remove himself from the situation, she sent her a questioning _you good?_ look and Y/N just nodded.

“I’d rather not if it’s all the same to you.”

The guy manoeuvred himself to stand before her, his body blocked the view of her friends and she felt uncomfortable, in a situation that she had no interest in being in, and although she knew her friends would willingly step in, she wanted to handle this herself. She didn’t need anyone jumping to her aid, she had this covered. “Don’t be so uptight, let’s get you a drink and loosen you up a bit.”

She stopped dancing and stopped trying to be civil, the thought of slapping him across the face had sprung to mind all too quickly and she was more than tempted, not that she wanted to make a scene and get herself kicked out on girls night.

“Seriously, please back off.”

“You women all think you’re so much better than us, don’t you?” The next minute, the guy was pulled swiftly from her line of sight, her quick reaction made her head snap up to see the commotion, and holding a fistful of the offender’s shirt was Dean. He looked furious, eyes blazing, like he was ready to punch this guy ten times harder than she would have dared. 

“I’m pretty sure the lady wants you to fuck right off, and if you don’t walk away, I’m gonna drag you outside myself and beat your ass,” Dean spat and pushed the guy away, he didn’t even look back before he scarpered off with his tail between his legs.

She faintly heard over the sound of her heart about to beat out of its chest, “ _That’s_ Dean.”

A million thoughts swirled around her head, thank you’s and you didn’t have to do that for me and I’m so glad you saved me, but instead she blurted out, “I didn’t need your help, you know? I had it handled.”

“So it seemed, maybe I just wanted an excuse to talk to you?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“No you are.” She couldn’t suppress the laugh she let out at his childish retort and the small pout on his lips, he really was absurd. “Besides, your friends all look pretty busy, and I can’t really blame him for shooting his shot with you, you look really good in that dress.”

She rolled her eyes with extra dramatic flair merely for his benefit, “And there he is, I was wondering when Dean Winchester was going to show up.” 

He looked puzzled as he brought his beer bottle to his lips and she tried her hardest not to get distracted by the action, “I don’t get it.”

“You trying to get a rise out of me by pretending to flirt with me.”

“Who said I was pretending, sweetheart? You’re gorgeous, and if you were anyone else but you, just a random girl I’d seen tonight, then I’d probably have tried to pick you up and taken great pleasure in sleeping with you.”

“If I was anyone else? Gee thanks, that’s real sweet of you. So _I’m_ the problem then?”

Y/N’s breath caught as Dean leant in close, the scent of him all consuming in a way that made her want to flee, but also wrap herself around him to breathe him in fully, “You being my best friend’s sister is the problem, Y/N.” She could feel her heart rate starting to increase and the rise and fall of Dean’s chest showed he was in the same predicament, like possibly he was fighting the urge too.

“So if I wasn’t a Lafitte, you’d want me?”

His eyes fluttered and he groaned, his hand gripped her waist and pulled her close to him, “You have no idea.”

“Then do it, pretend I don’t even know Benny.”

“But you do.”

“Pretend, Dean, pretend we’re not who we really are and treat me like a girl you just met that you’re wanting to hook up with.”

“Fuck, you’re dangerous, you know that?”

Dean was certainly no saint, he’d been fighting the urge to say something, dropped subtle hints to her since the night he met her. It was seeing her in her own home and watching her at her most comfortable, bed shorts and tank tops that she’d paid no second thought to wearing, simply making coffee and even cooking for him on the odd occasion he stayed over just because she was making food for Benny and she didn’t want to argue. He just wanted to pick her up and do just about everything he could think of with her, and at first thought, maybe that should have terrified the shit out of him, but he didn’t dare let himself get hopeful because she was pretty clear about what she thought of him, and he knew he’d made the worst first impression on her, he wasn’t sure if she’d let him come back from that.

Her lips were desperately close to his and she was pleading, eyes focused solely on his mouth, no doubt in anyone’s mind that she just wanted to feel it against hers and let him soak up her desperation and eagerness, “Please, before I change my mind.”

Dean couldn’t respond, just claimed her lips with his and pulled her impossibly close, fingers weaved and pulled on her hair and gasps were swallowed down by the other. They were painfully aware of of how public their display was when one of her friends hollered horribly loud in their ears, they pulled away like they’d been burned and with a small wave and a “speak to you tomorrow” she pulled Dean towards the exit of the bar, the pair only stopped momentarily for Dean to gesture at a tall man that Y/N didn’t recognise as a secret exchange, and then they were out of the door. 

They’d arrived at his apartment no more than fifteen minutes later, a semi-sobering fresh walk that should have brought them both to their senses, but the walk had only made them both more hungry and fervent for the other. One taste had them thirsty for more and neither one of them were sure how they’d made it home as quickly as they had, a few times they’d stopped to kiss or grope or touch, lost in the feeling of the other.

She hadn’t imagined ending up in Dean’s bed earlier than evening, she’d imagined the bed of some nameless stranger, but there was something so exhilarating having Dean on his knees for her, expertly moving his mouth to bring her pleasure, taking the care that not one other guy had bothered to do for her. He worked her and coaxed her, had her fists balling up his sheets, back arched, hips chasing his tongue and bearing down on him. He moved himself into her in a way that had her whimpering and keening, whining and gasping. It was obscene how good he was at this, she knew it was probably just practice - if what the tales had said about him had been true - but his body moulded around her so divinely. The glow of the streetlight outside of his window illuminated him in a way that made her breath catch. It’s what she’d been thinking about these past few weeks, the thought of him opening her up had brought her to a climax multiple times, but this time was one million times different, this time he was here and not just her imagination.

Y/N couldn’t stop her mind from replaying it over in her head as she heard soft snores from Dean beside her, the thought that he’d had her wrapped around his finger already scared her, he was a quick fuck and that’s all he could ever be, that’s all she could ever allow him to be. What was she thinking sleeping with her brother’s best friend? How could she be so selfish? Benny had had a tough few years, she wouldn’t be the reason he lost his best friend, because she knew if it came down to choosing between them, he’d always choose her.

She slowly and quietly pulled herself from his sheets and pulled on her garments that were spread across his floor, heels in hand, she didn’t even glance back at Dean because the thought alone was a dangerous and painful one. She needed to leave and never think of this, let alone do this, again. 

This was all just a drunken mistake. _Dean Winchester_ was just a drunken mistake.

When she’d set off earlier that day to hit one of the few walking trails in Lawrence, ending up stranded in the parking lot of Dad Perry Park wasn’t exactly where Y/N had anticipated being at 5pm on a Friday afternoon. Not only was she exhausted from looping the park twice and breathing in the fresh air on one of her few days off, it was a soothing and head clearing exercise that had been a brilliant thought when she’d set off at noon, but as soon as she twisted her key in the ignition, all of the steam she’d let off over the past few hours returned instantly.

She had no idea how she was going to get home, of course she hadn’t renewed her breakdown cover that ended two weeks ago because apparently that would have been too much of a good idea and she wasn’t afforded one of those right now. Y/N panicked, chest heaving, breath quickening, all for about a minute before she stuck her head in her hands and proceeded to spend the next three minutes crying into her steering wheel. A fleeting moment of clarity washed over her in minute number three and she pulled her phone from the pocket of her running jacket and dialled her brother’s number.

“Hey sis, everything okay?”

“Um, not really. I’m stuck out in Perry Park, my car’s broken down and I’ve got no breakdown cover, is there any chance you can get me from here and then I can sort it out from home?”

“I got a ride into work with one of my buddy’s today and my shifts not over for another two hours. Let me call Dean real quick and he can tow you back home, or at least to the garage and I’ll come get you from there.”

“Dean? As in Dean Winchester? Yeah, no, I’ll pass thanks.”

“You’re not really in the best position to turn down his help right now, are you? Look, he works at Singer’s down the road from us, and he can probably be with you in twenty minutes tops.”

She was so desperate to throw a hissy fit and stamp her feet, desperate to be helped by anyone but Dean, not with how she’d left it the last time she’d seen him, leaving him alone and bailing before they could have a conversation about what they’d done. But she also knew she had limited options, and if he could tow her back home then that solved the situation of getting the car moved. Y/N begrudgingly agreed to let Benny make the call and hung up straight away with a sour, pinched grimace. It was ridiculous how much she dreaded seeing him again, it had been two weeks since they’d last been in contact, two weeks since he’d turn her world upside with some tremendously good sex (she hated him a little bit for being so good and would absolutely not admit it if she were asked), two weeks since she’d slipped out of his bed early in the morning without a word and two weeks of avoiding him every time he set foot in their home, or made plans with her brother. So far so good she thought, or at least it was until the stupid, terrible, _no good_ decision she’d made when she headed to the park that day.

All throughout stewing in her own anger, she’d successfully managed to miss the chime of a new text message, and was only brought out of her self pity and misery by the sharp bang of knuckles on her side window. Her body jolted and she saw the green eyed devil himself inches from the window looking a little pissed off.

She popped the drivers door open and all but waited for him to mercilessly tease her, to say something to wind her up or infuriate her just to get a cheap laugh in, but instead he just folded his arms and altered his expression to one that made her equally want to punch him and the smirk off his gorgeous face.

“You really didn’t have to do this you know? I’m sure you’ve got far better things to do on a Friday evening.”

“Saving a damsel in distress? That’s usually what I spend my time doing anyway. Oh wait, was that okay to say or are gonna argue with me again and get all defensive, maybe you’ll just leave?”

“Not cute, Winchester.”

“I am a little bit.”

Her eyes rolled and she huffed out her impatience, making it evidently clear that she didn’t care for this back and forth, she just wanted to leave the parking lot and head somewhere closer to home.

“You know, you could just say thanks and I can get this all moving along.”

With a silly pout and her hands jammed firmly under her armpit to hold herself together, she uttered a meek, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Lafitte.”

His bicep muscles were a welcome distraction as she watched him attach her vehicle to the back of the tow truck and up onto the flatbed, it was a newfound thrill to view him at work, just another aspect of life where he evidently knew what he was doing with such precision and experience.

“Get in, I’ll drive us back to the garage.”

She swung herself up into the passenger seat and awaited his presence beside her, dread filling her body because she felt stupid and foolish, both for sleeping with him and also for behaving the way she had, she was a fully (or mostly) functioning adult and there was no reason for her to be behaving so irrationally. By the time he started the engine, she’d worked herself up into such a frenzy that she felt like a ball of nervous energy and had to wind down her window to grasp some fresh air.

“You alright?”

“Mm hmm, just peachy.”

Dean was quiet for a minute or two, contemplating, his thumbs tapped on the steering wheel in time to the beat on the radio, “Look, can we just get this conversation out of the way and address the elephant in the truck?”

“Do we have to?”

“You can keep burying your head in the sand and trying to avoid me, but we can’t keep doing this forever, you can’t keep leaving a room as soon as I walk in.”

Y/N pouted her lips out towards the open road and folded her arms across her chest petulantly, “I could if I tried really hard.”

“Fine, be a child about it.”

“I don’t get why you’re so bothered, you got to tick me off you’re mental ‘To Fuck’ list, it’s done and yeah, it was a monumentally stupid idea, and it never should have happened, but it did. So let’s just move on.” Y/N heard him click his tongue and saw the shake of his head from the corner of her eye as he laughed incredulously. She didn’t dare turn her head to face him.

“Is that why you bailed before it was even light out?” She winced slightly, the hard edge in his voice made her feel a little guilty but he had no right, he only wanted to use her anyway, didn’t he? Just like she wanted to use him to get herself off.

“Why, would you have made me breakfast and fucked me in your kitchen the next morning?”

“Probably, although I’m not sure why you’re being so crass about it, like you were some conquest that I succeeded at.”

“Well wasn’t I?”

“Christ, either someones done a real number on you or you really do think I’m a piece of shit.”

Y/N kept her mouth shut, she didn’t trust herself to not spout apologies. Her eyes wandered over to his hands gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles showed more white than she’d been expecting, his grip was tight and she knew immediately that she’d crossed a line, why was she being so cruel to him? She followed the line of his arms and up to his biceps, his neck, the hardened clench of his jaw, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him.

Her voice came out small, she didn’t want to anger him further, or hurt him more, if that’s how he felt, “I’m sorry.”

Dean sighed and kept facing forward, they were near to the garage and he didn’t want to do this whilst he was driving, worried of the danger, and mostly worried of hurting _her_ even though she didn’t seem to have such qualms about doing the same to him. He pulled into the garage and left the truck as fast as he could, unloaded her car as she stepped to the side, unable to stop herself from watching him as he did so. Y/N was lost in the way his biceps clenched, his fingers curled and flexed, pulled and pushed, like a well choreographed and orchestrated dance, she felt herself craving him all over again and she was ashamed, ashamed of her behaviour and ashamed of how desperate she was for him again.

He’d been quiet for a while and she’d expected him to ignore her until he either fixed her car, drove her home or Benny appeared to take her home himself. Somehow she knew whatever happened though, he wouldn’t leave her alone to get home, no matter what the circumstances. He took a brief look at her and motioned with his head for her to follow him into the back office. Y/N obediently followed after him and decided to play this properly, be an adult about it and own up to the part she had to play in this situation, her back straight against the wall and arms now again crossed. The sound of his voice startled her, her head snapped up to look at him.

Dean perched himself on the edge of the desk, his armed folded too, the pair seeming closed off, but he sighed and sounded frustrated, “Maybe I took advantage of you, maybe I just really wanted to sleep with you - I _really_ did by the way - so I guess I should be sorry too.”

“We’re both consenting adults, you didn’t take advantage of me, of that I’m sure. I really wanted it too.”

“Sweetheart, you’re giving me mixed signals here, should I be sorry for my part in this or not?’

“No, you shouldn’t be.” The intensity in their gaze strengthened and the heat rose, they both looked on the verge of breaking and pouncing, but it was a dangerous game, making that mistake twice.

“Then what’s the problem? If I remember correctly, it’s you who insisted, I was the one who kept saying no, we shouldn’t do this, but you practically _begged_ me.”

“I-It’s just, the first time I met you I thought you were pretty good looking, and then you had to open your mouth, dear god I wish you hadn’t, that fucked everything up.” 

“It looks like we _do_ have something in common after all.”

“Oh bite me, Winchester.” 

He pushed off from the desk and leant in unbearably close to her, hands pressed flat to the wall beside her head, caging her and breath curling and tickling around her ear, “I would sweetheart, but I don’t fancy giving you what you want.”

Her breath shook and she clenched her jaw, a puff of air escaping her mouth in aggravation, “Fuck. You.”

Dean slipped his hand between them, the tip of his forefinger teasingly trailing down the length of her torso, nail catching just above the waistband of her workout pants. He kept his gaze locked onto hers with an infuriating smirk as he slipped his hand between the waistband, four fingers, then the thumb, slowly, slowly, teasing. Her hips arched, pelvis seeking his fingers, wanting him to do something, just stop the torturously slow pace he was maintaining, she was so highly strung that she whined when his first finger came into contact with her clit, “Patience darling, slow and steady wins the race.”

“You are such a - _fuckfuckfuck_.” His middle finger slid further back through the wetness of her folds and without warning slipped right into her, a quick jerk of his wrist and a twinkle in his eye that told him he was enjoying this a lot more than he’d dare to let onto. Dean was growing oh so fond of watching her head curl back, her eyes going from a challenging glare to _oh fuck I need this, I need you_ , the way her body gripped tight of anything he’d give her, his fingers, his tongue, his cock, his words, anything he’d be open enough to let her have, she fed off of it even if it was just for a sexual release.

“I’m a what?” He watched on as she pushed on the elastic around her waist until her pants became loose and dropped down her legs, watched as she widened her thighs and pulled his hand closer, silently begging for more of him to open her up and make her feel fuller. Dean hadn’t realised he’d been suppressing a deep groan until it escaped his lips and another finger, two, were pressed into her and had her whining and pulling on his head so her gasps and pants were felt around his ears and swirling around his brain. God what he’d give to have her like this day in, day out, who gave a fuck if she was Benny’s sister? 

She made quick work of the fastening on his jeans, frantically pushing at them so they released further down his thighs and he was just as much on display for her as she was for him, “Did I make you speechless baby?”

“Just fuck me Dean, I’m literally _begging_ you.”

And who was Dean Winchester if not an obliging fine young gentleman?

Months had passed since she’d last been out on a date, every one almost as disappointing as the last. This one she had a good feeling about though, he was handsome but not in cocky way, seemed like he looked after himself, conversation at the bar had flowed easily enough and she let herself hope for a positive outcome for once. And she sure hoped she wouldn’t be going home alone, or at all for that matter, especially not when she knew Dean was downstairs at that very moment and would be staying the night, it was too much of a head fuck for her to come to terms with after spending the evening with another man. She didn’t want to see the infuriating smirk on his face if she came home unsatisfied, the way he’d tease and taunt her until she became pliable and putty in his hands - because without a doubt, Dean Winchester would make her fall apart just to prove a point. He was a Grade A asshole like that. But he was also far nicer and funnier and kinder than she’d ever dare to admit and that made her head spin a little.

Y/N finalised her make up, a last lick of mascara across her lashes, a swipe of lipstick to her lips, and she was ready to go. Her skirt swished against her knees and her modest heeled sandals made a _clack, clack, clack,_ sound as she descended the wooden stairs, it sounded like she’d wanted to draw attention to herself when in reality she’d wanted to scarper quickly before any of Benny’s friends even noticed she was there. She was so close to making it out of the door but her brother had collared her before she’d made it that far, “Y/N, are you off out?”

She inwardly groaned and spun on her heel to enter the living room, a few heads shot up to her and gave her appreciative looks before they turned back to their conversations and the game that was playing on television.

“Yeah, not sure how the evening will go so don’t wait up for me, hopefully I won’t be home until morning.” She grinned cheekily at her brother but he just winced and shuddered, horrified at the thought of his sister in any sexual encounter, “Gross” muttered from his lips. 

Y/N just laughed and went to turn, her eyes caught Dean’s gaze for a moment and she saw a pinched smile on his face, jaw hardened and clenched, but she wouldn’t allow herself to dwell on that reaction for even a moment, she knew how weakened she had become around him and she wasn’t about to give him that satisfaction of knowing he had her wrapped around his little finger.

Without a second glance, she left the room and promptly walked out of the house.  
  


After a solid hour of waiting for a guy that was evidently never going to show, Y/N had found herself calling for her best friend to come and rescue her. She wasn’t sure whether she was more upset or furious that she’d been stood up with no apology text or a _sorry I don’t want to do this_ , it was really shitty move and she felt utterly foolish for sitting alone with the hope that he was just running late. Anna pulled up beside her in the parking lot of the restaurant Y/N had been waiting at and motioned for her to get in, the night was still young and there wasn’t a hope in hell that Y/N was prepared to waste a cute dress and face full of make-up when given the opportunity, no, she’d make the most of what had happened and drink and flirt the rest of the night away with whatever attractive guy came her way. She owed that to herself.

It was pushing on for eleven pm when Anna showed up at Benny’s with Y/N propped up against her, a firm grip on her friend to stop the other woman from hitting the floor. Anna had tried her best to get a few glasses of water in Y/N’s system before she drove them both back from the bar, and whilst she’d seen her friend starting to sober up a little, she didn’t dare let go of her without someone to catch her. Dean had jumped up to join Benny at the front door when he overheard the state Y/N was in, with the help of his friend they both led her into the living room and softly planted her on the sofa to stabilise her.

Dean couldn’t help but notice how tired and down she looked, her lazy smile dropped off her face when she took Dean in, full realisation that he’d seen her like this and had jumped to her aid. She scowled at him and turned her head away, eyes closed whilst she waited for her brother to return from seeing her best friend out. Dean just weakly sighed and left the room to grab her a glass of water from the kitchen and half smiled when he passed Benny in the hallway who was heading back to the living room, “Good luck.”

He knew he shouldn’t listen in on their conversation, knew she’d never be comfortable with him knowing intimate things about her or a likely confession to her brother for why she was in such a state and why she came home heavily intoxicated on the arm of her friend when she’d left earlier that night for a date. But he was so worried about her, this wasn’t the woman he’d come to know, and god damn if he didn’t want to help her out of this and do just about anything to put a smile back on her face. From the doorway, he could hear her blasé recount of the shit show that was her non-existent date and how she was fed up of being disappointed by men, “they’re all the fucking same,” she grumbled, he knew Benny wouldn’t take offence. There was little anger or upset in her voice, she just sounded tired and defeated, like there wasn’t much energy or fight left in her to feel anything. 

“I’m going to bed, we can talk about this in the morning, or never.” He heard the shuffle of her footsteps and retreated back to the kitchen to disguise the fact he’d listened in on their conversation. After the click of her bedroom door shutting, Dean headed back in to find Benny reclined in his seat and taking a long swig of his beer.

“Is she okay?”

“Honestly? I’m not sure anymore.”

“I’m sure, after a good night’s sleep, whatever it is won’t be as bad in the morning.”

“I hope so, I really really do. I’ve not seen her like this for a long time, not since that wanker of an ex.”

“Bad news?”

Benny sighed and rubbed his palm over his face, “He totally fucked with her head, you know? She’d had a few boyfriends, nothing too serious, didn’t last all that long. And then one day she came home with this guy, Mark, we could all tell he was bad news right from the get go. He’d been a little possessive, started answering for her, it was all relatively subtle but we’d all been quick to pick up on it, up until she moved in with him and then we barely saw or heard from her, she just went dark, and when we _did_ see her, she was barely recognisable. I thought I’d lost my sister for good. He was good at draining her, and making her reliant on him, I don’t think it was anything sinister, he just liked control and she became easy to manipulate.”

Benny looked like he wanted to crack, the talk of his sister changing was evidently a painful memory to rehash, they were close siblings before all this, much like him and Sammy, and he knew he’d do anything to protect his little brother. His friend licked his lips and cleared his throat of the emotion that had started to bubble.

“She’s so strong willed and I think that’s why she busted your balls that night she met you. The best thing that happened was her making some new friends at work who she actually listened to, and they were able to make her see the situation she was in. She wouldn’t listen to family - which I’m fine with now - but they got her to see and she straight up told him one night that she wouldn’t let him do this to her anymore, and he just let her walk out. He wasn’t violent - at least I don’t think he ever was - it was purely about being able to control someone and to have someone be dependent on him, I just don’t think he realised how much he’d fucked her up. I know he’s tried to contact her, she wouldn’t tell me, but I’ve seen the odd text message on her phone when it’s lit up on the table. So that’s why she came to live with me, I wanted her here and safe where I could take care of her and she wanted someone she could trust. The alternative was my parents but they would have been far too overbearing as she wouldn’t have been able to handle that. I just sort of wanna wrap her up in cotton wool and protect her.”

Dean was just floored, he couldn’t imagine this happening to Y/N, she was the most passionate and determined person he’d ever met and tonight was the first time in seven months that he’d seen that vulnerable side of her. He too wanted to swaddle her in cotton wool and keep her safe, stop any other asshole from hurting her again, because she didn’t deserve that, no one did, but least of all, _her_.

He couldn’t bring himself to look at Benny, his own feelings were all over the place but he didn’t think he had any right to any of those, so he just picked at the label on his bottle, working it over with his nail, “She’s pretty lucky to have you, and your family and her friends around her, god knows that’s what she needs after all that shit. I’m sorry that all of you went through that.”

“Yeah, we’re all lucky in the end, I guess,” the other man clapped his thighs and stood up with a stretch, “but I’m beat and I pretty much just dumped all of that on you, which really wasn’t my story to tell, so I’m headed to bed. You know where the blankets and pillows are, help yourself.

He clapped Dean on the shoulder on his way out and gave him a half smile which came out more like a grimace. “See you in the morning, man.”

Dean allowed himself a few minutes to mull over what he’d been told, without a doubt he knew he shouldn’t know any of what Benny had told him, he didn’t have the right to, and it made him feel more terrible that he’d been hooking up with her whenever they just wanted to blow off steam or they had gotten too drunk. It had happened far too many times to mention. She deserved more than that, more than just some sex here and there, she deserved a real relationship with someone who loved her and would try to give her everything. He wanted that for her, he wanted to be the one to give her that, but Dean Winchester wasn’t the man who deserved her.

He pulled himself up to head to the upstairs bathroom before he got settled on the sofa for the night, but he couldn’t fail to hear the sniffles and grunts that came from Y/N’s room as he passed, he shouldn’t go in there, he was the last person she’d want to see if her reaction to him earlier had been any indication, but he couldn’t leave her like this. Before he could think it over, he knocked at her door and let himself in without an answer. The look on her face made him want to scoop her up and hold her tight, but he resisted the urge, he just watched her curled up on her bed from the doorway and pushed the door shut behind him.

“What are you doing here?

“I wanted to check on you, see if you were okay.”

Y/N scoffed and rolled her eyes, her fists clutched her pillow tighter, “What do you care?”

He perched himself on her small stool in the corner of the room, closest to her bed, his hands fastened together between his knees whilst he pondered his next response. He couldn’t bring himself to rattle off all of the reasons why he cared and why he hated to see her so torn up, just pursed his lips and sucked the bottom between his teeth over and over, “Are you gonna tell me what happened?”

“No.”

“Please? How can I help? Tell me what to do,” Dean spoke, sounding pained.

“I got stood up, okay? Are you happy? Gonna have a good laugh about it?” 

“Why the hell would I do that?”

Dean was hurt that she’d even suggest he’d react that way, he knew she didn’t have a particularly high opinion of him, but he thought she knew him better than that, knew he cared about her even the slightest bit.

“Because it makes me look even more pathetic. I’d probably laugh if I were in your shoes.”

“You’re not pathetic, sweetheart.”

“I am, I have three failed relationships, a handful of shitty one night stands, a no show date and the only guy that’ll sleep with me will also sleep with just about anyone.”

“I sleep with you because I want to. Those other assholes don’t deserve you, none of them.” Dean wasn’t sure about a lot of things, but that was the one thing he’d bet his home and his beloved car on.

“And you do?” She fired back, he could see she torn between letting this conversation slide by and fighting him on it. Y/N pulled herself up so she was sat on her knees facing him and shot him a hard glare, her mouth downturned to a look of disdain like she thought he was full of shit.

“Definitely not, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting you.”

“You want to get your dick wet, is that it?”

“Usually, but you, I want _you_ far more than that, Y/N.” Instinctively he moved himself and sat on the edge of her bed just to be nearer to her, hoped she’d pick up on this nervous yet hopeful energy filling him because he was around her and being more honest than he’d ever been with her. She was hesitant to be near him and she tilted back for a split second before she chose to stay right where she was.

“Course you do, just like everyone else, huh?”

“You have no idea how people look at you, everyone either wants you or wants to be you.”

“Then why am I always alone at the end of the day?”

“Can we just talk about this tomorrow when you’re sober? Let’s just get you into bed.”

“Please Dean. Please just treat me like you want me. For just one night.” She looked sorrowful, eyes full of sadness and desperation, lost and broken. She was someone who just wanted to be loved, even temporarily. Even just for a few hours.

She leant forward and pulled him close, hands cradling his head, and pushed her lips onto his. Dean gave in for a beat or two, he let their mouths mould and temptation got the better of his judgement. He was quick to pull back though, he couldn’t do this, not when she had this much alcohol in her system, not when she was this vulnerable and upset and hurt.

Dean held her hands in his and looked regretful, full of remorse. If the situation was different he’d want nothing more than to make love to her all night long, kiss her until she was breathless, show her just how much she meant to him and how beautiful she really was. But it wasn’t, and he didn’t want to be a mistake to her, and he never wanted anything about her to be a mistake for him.

“What did I do?” Her eyes, wide and watery, pleading with him to make her feel better again. She wanted him to make her forget about the asshole who left her sitting on her own for a full hour, who made her feel useless and worthless.

He held her face between his palms and spoke softly, desperate for her to understand that he meant every word, “You did nothing, sweetheart, I just can’t do this.” _Not right now._

“Why don’t you want me? Why can’t you pretend?”

“I want you, so fucking much, but not like this.”

“Then get out.”

“Y/N - please, don’t be angry.”

“Get the fuck out of my house, if you won’t fuck me then what’s the use of you being here?”

Dean felt physically winded, like suddenly her hurtful words had made it harder to breathe, but he couldn’t blame her, not really. Not when she was in this state, not when he’d given her no reason to see him as anything more than a late night conquest, or an acquaintance with benefits at best.

He leant forward and kissed her forehead, she didn’t put up a fight despite her balled up fists and hard glare.

“You’ll thank me in the morning.”

And then he left, if it hadn’t have been for the few beers and the one small measure of whiskey he’d consumed earlier in the evening, he’d have headed home immediately, but instead he lay himself down on the Lafitte’s sofa under a blanket and stared at the ceiling for most of the early hours.

What he didn’t know, as he lay there worrying about the woman he felt too much for, was Y/N had sent a fateful text to the one person she vowed never to give into again.

_Think we should meet up tomorrow, one night for old times sake?_

**_I thought you’d never come around to the idea._ **

_Don’t make me change my mind._

Dean had already left the following morning before either Benny or Y/N rose or before Y/N had had a chance to see her most recent text.

**_Can’t wait to have you all to myself again, baby._ **

“Look, I gotta ask, is there a reason you’re here drinking alone and my sister’s at home crying over chick flicks? Doesn’t seem like much of a coincidence to me.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, I barely know Y/N, what’s it got to do with me?”

“Cut the shit Dean, she told me what’s been going on between the two of you,” Dean shot him an apprehensive grimace but Benny just raised his hands defensively, “no judgement, you’re both adults and as much as I hate to see her upset, it seems she’s had her part to play in this too.”

“It was stupid, _I_ was stupid.”

“Tell me.”

 **“I let her in, I never let people in.”** Dean laughed bitterly, lips curled around the aftertaste of the four glasses of whiskey he’d knocked back, “she got under my skin, I tried fighting it for so long but at some point I guess I just - stopped - trying and I started trusting her. But she was never mine, I was stupid to think otherwise.”

“If you don’t see that she’s besotted with you, then you’re even dumber than you look, Winchester.” Dean opened his mouth to argue, it wasn’t true, it couldn’t be, she can’t have been so obvious that even Benny had noticed. “Look, I’ve played dumb to all of this for months, I knew there was something going on, you did pretty well to hide it but there’s no denying the way you look at each other.”

“If she was that bothered about me then she wouldn’t be trying to push me away, she wouldn’t be trying to jump into dating someone else or sleeping with her ex-fucking-boyfriend.” Every time the thought crossed Dean’s mind, he wanted to throw up, the very thought was piercing and cruel and awful. It wasn’t because of his bruised ego or the woman he adored being with another man, it was the fact she’d put herself in a horrible situation, with a man that had the power to break her - and almost had - all because she thought it was the better alternative to Dean.

“You mean like she did with you?”

“Touché. She always made it clear - or at least that’s how I took it - that she just wanted sex, that’s all she thought I was good for, and I get that she thought I was easy, but I kept hoping she’d see it was all an act, that it was all a front.”

“My sister’s a tough nut to crack, had her heart broken few too many times, you know the story now, she’s too trusting and kind hearted. So she toughened up, it was survival mode to prevent herself from being hurt again, or to at least _try_ not to get hurt. But I’ve seen her around you, how she’s trying really hard to keep her guard up, like she’s a little bit afraid you’ll hurt her too because she knows how you go through women - again, no judgement - but doesn’t she have the right to be cautious?”

“Of course she does, I would too, but I’ve tried harder with her, I keep finding my way back to her even when I know it’s a bad idea. God, if there’s one person in this world that I couldn’t bear to hurt, it’s her. The thought of it just knocks me sick, and I know she deserves someone far better than me, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting her. This is so fucking weird because she’s your sister, but she makes me want to be a better person, to become the person she deserves even though I know I’m a long way off.”

“You’re a lot closer than you think. Look, I get why you are the way you are with women, you’ve had a shitty past with relationships too, and no matter what you say, you’re a bit afraid, but you’re also a good guy, you’re my best friend for a reason, okay? I know you care for those around you, regardless of how cocky you might get, I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt Y/N, because that’s _not_ who you are. I only ever hoped that someone would see her the way you do, would let her in and want to take care of her like she deserves, and Dean? If there was anyone that I’d trust with her, it would be you, and I do trust you, you guys just have to make this right because I can’t have both of you tearing yourself apart because you’re idiots who can’t communicate your feelings properly.”

“You’re right, I’ll sort this out. And for all that you said? Thanks man, I didn’t realise I needed that until you came out with it, she means more to me than I think anyone realises, and I promise I’ll try my best to make her happy again.”

“That’s all I can ask for. I’m gonna make myself scarce for the evening, let me drive you to ours at the end of my shift and then I’ll leave you guys in peace.”

“You’re too good of a man, Benny. You’re just like your sister.”

“Despite your past and what happened with your folks, you and Sam turned out good too, don’t forget that.”

He wanted to ask Benny how he was coping with Y/N having been with Mark the night before, comfort him and reassure him that he’d never do that to Y/N, because he _knew_ he’d never behave that way. He’d had a tricky romantic past, but Christ, when he was in a relationship, he was all in. Full of kind heartedness, brimming with love and the nicest of gentlemen, he treated his girlfriends, and that one ex-fiance, very well, it was _them_ who weren’t quite so kind. But Dean couldn’t sit around any longer, he needed to see Y/N and apologise for all of the things that he’d had a hand in that had steered them in the wrong direction, whatever it was that he did to drive her into the arms of the wrong man. 

Because the thing was, he’d come to the startling realisation whilst staring at the patchy white painted ceiling of the Lafitte’s living room, at 4am the morning before, that he was ardently in love with her, and he could barely breathe at how much wanted her, and how he needed her to know that, to know that she hadn’t been just a bed warmer for all these months, she was the love of his life.

“You ready to go? I’ve just gotta clock out and grab my jacket, meet you out front?” Dean just smiled appreciatively at his friend and watched him wander into the back of the bar. He drained the last of his glass of whiskey and shakily got to feet, it wasn’t the drink that made him uneven, he’d only had two, it was the nerves starting to hit him full force. What if she kicked him out again and wouldn’t listen to him? What if she heard him out but didn’t feel the same and only wanted him for the ways she thought he wanted her? _What if, what if, what if?_

He thought back to that morning on the short journey to Benny’s, neither of them were talkative, Dean suspected it had something to do with the other man letting him gather his thoughts, expected him to be too nervous to make idle chit chat after the heavy conversations they’d been having lately. The flashback memory made him shudder and worry his bottom lip between his teeth.

  
_He’d been on his way to the garage that morning when Dean realised he was missing his wallet, in a frantic panic, he ransacked his car and drove almost all the way home. It was only as he turned into his street that he recalled last seeing it at Benny’s the other night, not having reason to use his wallet at all the next day, he’d not given it a second thought. Dean had jumped back into his trusted Chevy and sped over to his friend’s home. He wouldn’t be able to stop off to grab breakfast on-the-go this morning, he just hoped he’d made it to work on time because he was the one supposed to be opening up._

_Of all mornings, he kept grumbling to himself, of all mornings to realise he was missing his wallet which had his ID in it needed for the inspection that day. Great fucking timing to pick vacation time, Bobby. He was still grumbling to himself when he wandered up the path the house, only stopping when he quite literally bumped in Y/N heading to her door from the other side of the driveway, heavy black smudges around her eyes, hair that looked as if she’d made a feeble attempt to control it but hadn’t succeeded, and an outfit not fit for morning attire. With a metaphorical gut punch, he realised what he’d witnessed, it was evidently the walk of shame._

_And fuck, Dean had never witnessed something he had hated more._

_“Dean. What are - um - what are you doing here?”_

_“Just came for my wallet.”_

_She flinched, startled by his matter-of-fact tone, it sounded so out of character, harsh coming from his lips. But he couldn’t care about that right now, not when she’d clearly been with someone else the night before. A mere 24 hours after she’d all but begged him to fuck her and put her back together. He’d never felt so low about himself, he couldn’t even bear to look at her._

_“Let’s go in - can we talk? Over coffee perhaps?” Y/N looked jittery, uncomfortable, and Dean briefly expected her to bolt and flee from the scene. She, however, couldn’t keep her eyes off of Dean, watched him for any reaction and he could just feel her eyes on him, burning through him. He knew she wanted to talk about this, about their last argument, but he just couldn’t do it, work or not. At least not yet, he had to process this and figure out what the hell was going on in his own head first._

_“I’ve gotta get to work, can’t be late.”_

_“Dean -“_

_“Another time, just not now, okay?” He grabbed his wallet from under the coffee table where he’d left his shoes the other night and his eyes flitted to meet hers for a moment, and honestly, he wished he hadn’t. Her eyes were glossy and she looked like she was about to break any minute, it was too much, heartbreaking, devastating, ruining. But what could he do? He just softly shook his head and walked out of the door without glancing back._

_**Last night was a mistake, I can’t do that again, Mark. I don’t want to ever see you again.** _

_Dean dropped his phone in the dirt and smashed up an old project car he’d been working on when he received a text message from her that definitely wasn’t meant for him. What a fucking gigantic mess._

  
“Just go in there, trust me, everything will be fine,” Benny gave him a gentle shove towards the stairs and Dean was about three seconds from darting to the bathroom and throwing his guts up. Not once, in all of his years, had he been this nervous because of a girl, he felt utterly absurd and childish, kept trying to rationalise this and telling himself to man up, but on the other side of the door was a woman who had the ability to break his heart worse than any woman had done before. He glanced over the banister to Benny who just smiled with his thumbs up and then swiftly shut the front door behind him.

_Fuck. It’s now or never, Winchester._

He tentatively knocked his knuckles against her bedroom door, waves of the other night washing over him again.

“Not now Benny, please.” Her small, broken sounding voice trailed through the wood and Dean’s heart clenched uncomfortably.

“It’s - um - it’s Dean.”

Silence followed and dread filled Dean like a bath on the brink of overflowing, worst case scenario. The door took the weight of him resting his forehead against it, slumping against the varnished wood in a silent plea that she couldn’t see, but he wanted her to feel his presence there, wanted her to beware that he wasn’t going anywhere, not this time. Not again.

The door handle rattled and a second later the door moved beneath him, it opened up to reveal Y/N looking as devastated as he felt, and no matter what had happened between them, what had taken place that morning, the night before, and many times prior, Dean couldn’t even register that, he’d just scooped her up in his arms and cradled her tightly against his chest as she cried. It felt like second nature the way she curled around him, clung on like he was a life raft in the middle of a choppy sea, her saviour and protector, the thing that would lead her back to shore and even ground.

“You came back.”

“Always.”

She lifted her head from his chest to look at him properly, her arms still fastened securely around his torso, “Can you forgive me?”

Dean ran his thumbs over her cheeks and under her eyes to dry her tears, “Why would I need to? You did nothing wrong. We weren’t ever… Together.”

“Still. I was yours. And I… Please.” 

Dean didn’t want to resist the urge to kiss her forehead so he didn’t, just let his lips linger momentarily, “And I was yours, I thought already you knew that.”

“I never would have done what I did to you if I had.”

“I’m not hurt by that, not now, I’m devastated that you went back to him, if it had been some stranger then that’s one thing, but you chose the person who hurt you the most.”

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed and she looked confused, it wasn’t a story she’d told him, not a story she’d willingly told anyone since it had happened, and she didn’t think her and Dean would ever be at a point where she confided in him about her past, “How did you-?“

“Benny. He told me all about what happened the other night, how this guy messed with your head, after all that, why did you choose him of all people?”

“I just- it was stupid. That night, I thought you didn’t want me, you were saying all these things like how much you cared about me, but then you wouldn’t sleep with me, and I thought _‘what do we have if it’s nothing physical?’_ ” Dean grimaced, “No - don’t look at me like that. I _know_ we have something more than that now, but I didn’t think you wanted me for anything other than sex, and when you turned me down I felt stupid. Mark, he’s um, he’s been texting me for a few months trying to get me to meet up with him and I didn’t want to do it, but he kept tel _ling me how much he missed me and how sorry he was, and all I could think was ‘here’s someone who wants me, so why not take him up on it?’_. I know now that it was a ridiculously stupid thing to do, but I sent him a text that night when I’d had too much to drink, and by morning I was too embarrassed at the thought of me throwing myself at you, I was sure you’d want nothing more to do with me, so he still seemed like a good option - or rather my _only_ option.”

“Sweetheart, I wish you’d just come to me, I could have made this right.”

“I looked for you the next morning but you’d already left, it felt like I’d really blown it when I realised you couldn’t be in the same place as me.”

“I’m sorry, I needed to get out of there, I couldn’t stop running over the whole thing in my head, and add what Benny had told me on top that, I didn’t think me being there would help the situation any.”

Dean watched the grin that started to spread across her face, her skin flushing with a mixture of embarrassment and giddiness, “We’re both shit at communication, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we’ve really gotta work on that.”

“After all of this, do you still want me?”

“It’s gonna take hell of a lot more than this to stop me from wanting you, Y/N. All of you.”

“You’re really incredible, you know that, right?” _No, you’re incredible._

“I wouldn’t go the far, but I could stand to hear that every now and again.”

“Baby, _you’re incredible_.”

“Can I kiss you now? Like a real _I’m really fucking into you and want to kiss you until you’re breathless_ kind of kiss?”

“Please, god please do that.”

All of the emotion, the vast range of feelings and emotions that had been building and mounting and increasing over the better part of the past year, all culminated with love and joy. They could help heal each other. They kissed with all of the passion they could muster, varied in hurried and slowed paces, re-learning each other all over again, but right this time, how it should have been all along. He stripped her down, worked her over, thighs parted, slow and tender kisses pressed to every inch of each others skin, down down _down_ , opening up and breathing in, marking each other figuratively and literally. They made love, properly for the first time, because they were in love, even if they hadn’t let those words form themselves and let them out into the open, they both knew, there was no mistaking it.

When they both fell over the edge, they were overwhelmed. Everything about their future seemed euphoric and hopeful. Their start may not have been the meet-cute they’d expected, but their ending was a long way in the future. Where they were right now was all that mattered. Everything else was irrelevant.


End file.
